Sleep Is For the Simple Minded

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There are many different reasons people can’t sleep at night. You might work nights, maybe you’re a night owl, possibly suffer from insomnia, or if you’re like me you could be kept up at night from anxiety and a mind that just won’t rest. There are many causes for anxiety, but that anxiety can also stem from a creative mind and caring so much about everyone else around you as well as your need to succeed. When you have few concerns or simple thoughts sleep comes easy. When you have a mind like mine sleep is hard to come by because your mind constantly wants to worry about the what if’s, what needs to be done, and who needs to be taken care of. Now, I might sound like one of those “crazy” people who believe in astrology, but I am a Cancer and I am true to my sign in many ways. I care deeply for those around me and I am passionate. When I am worried about my loved ones whether it’s health or just seeing them upset my mind is constantly concerned for them and thinking about what I can do to help. My passion drives me to strive for what I want and when I can’t attain those wants I naturally stress, therefore I don’t sleep. I am also a creative person who is always thinking about what I can do and how to inspire others with my words and actions. I recently said to a friend in a similar position that we stress so much and don’t sleep because we don’t necessarily think from out minds, but think from our souls. It is where our passion and worries originate from so we feel them that much stronger.

I can’t tell you the last time I have gotten a good nights sleep. I either toss and turn all night until I pass out or I fall asleep and constantly am woken by my thoughts. It is such a horrible feeling to want sleep and your body won’t cooperate with you! By the time I wake up in the morning I see the darkness under my eyes and feel the lack of sleep throughout my body. It sets the tone for my day. When you don’t have energy you lose your positivity. Not sleeping causes even more anxiety. It just keeps piling up. I do have health issues that contribute to my anxiety, which is making any stress I have that much worse. Dealing with health and life can be a real bitch. Recently my lack of sleep comes from worrying about my future, and I mean tomorrow and the far future. I know I have no control over many things and I do tell myself that repeatedly, but my body has thoughts of it’s own. It sucks! Talking to friends and writing are a release for me but I guess as much as I think I’m working through my issues my body and mind feel other wise. The weight on my chest has only gotten worse so that adds to me not sleeping. It also makes my days harder. I am so frustrated because I am such a positive person! I am the girl you want to talk to when you’re sad because I will make you smile. I am the person that sees the sun through the never ending storm clouds. Well, the clouds have turned to a hurricane and they aren’t passing.

What do you do when you can’t seem to find the sun? I can’t answer that and I don’t know anyone who can because no matter how much I explain no one seems to understand why I can’t snap out of it. I want to believe my mind will become a simpler place once I have a plan and a destination in reach. My frustration is coming from all of the what if’s and worries of tomorrow. I have never been that girl who couldn’t see where she was going. I always had a plan and made it work. This is the first time I can’t make something work for myself and i absolutely hate it! I am not a control freak I swear, but when I want something I am ambitious enough to make it happen. I can’t make that job I want come so I can’t make the paycheck and health insurance come either. That means I can’t move out because theres not enough money in my pocket to cover my bills and then also worry about rent and utilities. It’s eating me up inside because I know the job I want and know where I want to be, but there is nothing I can do to expedite the process. They say patience is virtue, but how much patience am I supposed to have? 

With this weight on my shoulders and stress from my soul how do I clear the clouds? When will it clear and I find the sleep I need to be myself again? All I can do is keep my head up and keep doing what I am doing. I do it all with a smile and at night when that sleep doesn’t come I write. I write to cleanse my soul and ease my mind. It may not help me sleep but it does help empty parts of my mind to make it a simpler place. Remember, sleep doesn’t come easy for those with big hearts and minds.

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